A Life Worth of Heart Break
by Ivy.Lunar.Reid
Summary: The eight times he broke her heart and the one time she was handed a heart.
1. Prologue

Title: A Life's Worth of Heart Break

Summary: Pansy decided her future.

Warnings: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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On a balcony of her private manor, Pansy Malfoy nee Parkinson took her afternoon tea. With elegance from age, Pansy enjoyed the fragrant tea imported all the way from the Orient. It had a bitter aftertaste, something she enjoyed as she leaned back into her seat. Her eyes glazed over as her mind slowly reminisced the past three decades. Twenty-five years since she first met Draco at the innocent age of five. Twelve years since they married and laid in the same bed together. Eleven since she gave birth to her son, sweet Antares. Just a day passed since she saw her dear child off to Hogwarts.

Twelve years, Pansy thought as she set aside her tea. Ever since she married Draco to escape her parents treatment, she was given everything but the one thing she craved for since she was a child. All she wanted was Draco's love, his affections, his touch, but she knew it was a child's dream. Even though she married the man, he didn't love her. He only felt an obligation for her, due to the nature of their marriage.

Pansy's chocolate-brown eyes wandered down to the lone vial holding a clear liquid, innocently shimmering in the setting sun. Her son was eleven, in Hogwarts, and her father was dead. Her mother, horrible mother she was, had everything in order with the goblins. With her son in school, her father dead, and her mother traveling the world to enjoy the pleasure of exotic men, Pansy's worth as the Malfoy's daughter-in-law lowered dramatically.

Especially when her own husband didn't love her like a wife. She knew the moment she married into the family, the moment her son was safely sheltered away in school, her farce of a marriage will dissolve into dust. Draco even said it before, the day after they consummated their marriage; he will provide for her but she will not keep his family name after a time. Pansy married into the Malfoys for her own protection, not for what she could bring into the line. With his words and the lack of support from her godmother and mother-in-law, Pansy knew her time as the wife of Draco Malfoy was coming to an end.

Her finger traced the shell of the vial. It took her months before she managed to brew the small amount of potion in the vial. It took precision, timing, and constant changes. Snape might have favored Draco for his brewing skills, but she knew her way around the ingredients better than most wizards twice her age. Her scores in Potions were never below 'EE'. It took a while to finish, but it was perfect. Once she drink the potion, everything will fade away, her love for her husband and son, her hatred for her parents and their 'friends', her dreams of any future with the slightest of affections, everything. Pansy will be no more, with only a husk for her body,and a mind wiped completely clean of any previous personality of the old Pansy. Her consciousness will simply fade into the ether as her body returns to the earth.

It took hours before the potion will take effect. Her affairs were completed, her last words written in letters awaiting for her order to be sent out, and she made sure her son knew how much she loves him. A sad smile attempted to appear but with the weight of years of heartbreak, Pansy allowed hidden tears to roll down her face instead.

A child's innocent crush of five years turned into a prepubescent girl's crush. From there it turned into a teenager's crush and devotion but things didn't change. Her feelings for him were always there, true and never a joke. Even though she never knew what the name of her feelings were, she knew he was important to her.

With a face wet with tears, Pansy picked up the vial and toast to the setting sun. "May my magic release me from the pain I suffered though all these years and may it protect my child who I created with all the love I felt for his father. Magic's blessing." With her last words, Pansy threw back the potion, the slimy texture easily slithered down her throat. Now all she needs to do was wait.

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A/N: Review please. I want to know how people are reacting to this.


	2. The first meeting

A Life Worth of Heart Break

Summary: The first meeting.

Warnings: Short.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of HP, I'll deal with it but I want a piece of the pie that is HP please! For my Christmas present!

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Time mattered little to Pansy when the result will be the same. To enjoy what little time she had left of being "Pansy Malfoy", she spent it reminiscing. Past events that shaped her into the woman she was today and past choices she wished she picked differently. Most of her thoughts revolved around her husband and her family. So many things she wished she did differently, held in her temper at times, or even to simply forget.

She was not allowed to forget, not yet. This was her price to start anew. To remember every little event of the past, to remember and relive each memory, until she felt satisfied with the pain she experienced. It was her price and Pansy, masochistic witch that she was, allowed her mind to sweep her into the past, back to when she was still innocent, naïve, and still believed in fairy tales.

She was five when she first met Draco. His father was holding a Yule gathering at the time, Pansy barely remember much of how she arrived or what she ate, but she did remember two important things. The first was how pretty she felt in her pale green and dark red dress. Her father, the man who rarely even looked her way, even smiled at her with a slight chuckle. It was the first time she really felt pretty, a feeling she cherished as she grew older and grew into her looks.

The second was obviously Draco. As a child, she got sent to the children's room after she made a quick meet and greet with her mother. The faintest image of her year mates and a few older graduates brushed her mind but they all paled in comparison with Draco. He was the star, the brightest one out of the group. His hair, his eyes, his posture. He was a Prince to little Pansy's fairy tale. The moment she saw him, she wanted to get to know him, talk to him, be his friend. He was so regal in her eyes, she wanted to bathe in his light. Of course, years later, Pansy would blush at how sickly obsessed she was as a child. The need to get close to him, Pansy felt disgusted with herself.

However she smiled slightly at the memory. As an adult she could see her childish antics embarrassing as well as adorable in a way. Pansy remembered the elated happiness she felt when she met Draco. The hope of a new friend and the joy when he allowed her to be near him, Pansy remembered those feelings.

It was probably the first time Draco did anything to make her truly happy.

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A/N: I know, short, but I'm writing this when I'm supposed to be asleep for work in the morning. Not to mention, I actually like Pansy, my version at least, and she needs some loving!


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